Confessions of a sinner made saint by the precious blood of the Lamb!

Beauty. I used to live for this. I really thought it was everything. I mean I would've never said such a thing to anyone, not even my closest friends. But the reality is 4 years ago I lived as if beauty was everything. And let me tell you. I thought I had it. I had a dancer body, curly natural hair, straight teeth, and high yellow skin. Lol Yet, at the end of the day my beauty failed me. It did not give me or allow me to keep the things I desired. Not a man, nor status, nothing.

But that was 4-5 years ago. It is now 2017, but I have learned so much about my life, about myself, about my neighbors, and mostly importantly I've learned so much about God- The Trinity God (The only God). And suprisingly, now that I'm a new creation in Christ-- I say with confidence to those reading this- Whether in Christ or not in Christ outside beauty means absolutely nothing. I know I needed this reminder too. (You might be saying if your a christian, "of course it doesn't," but oh how we humans forget!)

Anyways..beauty in itself will not sustain you or give you anything. Especially outward beauty for it is only temporary and will fade away! However, there is someone--only one person whose beauty is so amazing that He makes the dead come back to life. I know right, amazing! Christ Jesus and His finished work on the cross is full of Beauty. His beautifully perfect sinless life, death on the cross, and resurrection gives you: life (eternal life), hope, peace, joy, self control, patience, kindness, Etc. The list goes on. It's a completely changed life! And the best part about it is when you believe in this his Spirit is poured into you (Note: the fruits of the spirits mentioned above), making you sealed for the eternal glory that awaits after your body perishes (or when Jesus comes back- who knows you might be alive during this time lol).

I encourage you to seek after Christ and allow the beauty of the gospel to captivate your mind.

Today Lord, I confess that I want to see the beauty of the gospel (not my own beauty that is so often used for selfish gain) so that I can be transformed into the person you want me to be which brings glory to you/reveals your beauty! In Jesus name Amen! 

Foolishness

Do you know the definition of foolishness?  Well, according to Google it means: lack of good sense or judgment; stupidity. And look Google even gives us an example sentence: "she was realizing the foolishness of her actions." Now, who can admit to such a thing? I can! Oh I can! If I can describe my actions this past month I would say-- Foolishness. I want you to know the definition of the word Foolishness used in the bible: 

móros: dull, stupid, foolish

Original Word: μωρός, ά, όν
Part of Speech: Adjective
Transliteration: móros
Phonetic Spelling: (mo-ros')
Short Definition: stupid, foolish
Definition: (a) adj: stupid, foolish, (b) noun: a fool.

HELPS Word-studies

3474 mōrós (the root of the English terms, "moron, moronic") – properly, dull (insipid), flat ("without an edge"); (figuratively) "mentally inert"; dull in understanding; nonsensical ("moronic"), lacking a grip on reality (acting as though "brainless").

[This root (mōr-) "properly refers to physical nerves causing one to become dull, sluggish (so Hipp., Aristotle); used of the mind, dull, stupid, foolish" (Abbott-Smith); "flat/insipid" (WS, 1062). 3474 (mōrós) is used ironically of apparent stupidity in 1 Cor 1;25,27, 3:18.]

I know.. I know... i'm a fool! I am indeed a foolish women! The one who gazes on those things that are temporary. The one who sees danger and instead of running the opposite direction saying, "Well maybe I can help Lord. Let me take it from here." I liken my foolishness to Adam really. The first Adam. I have heard many people say I wouldn't have eaten from the tree, but when I look at the choices I've made (especially this month) I can say I would've eaten from that tree. I would've disobeyed God just like Adam. The reality of that makes me cry bitterly just like Peter did when he denied being a follower of Jesus three times. Oh I am no better than these men or women who have lived before me. Just another foolish women.  For I do not understand my actions. Paul writes in Romans 7. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.16Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 21So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! 

Lord, help me. Help me to have patience and to know that you are sovereign over every detail in my life, which ultimately is for your glory. Also, Lord continue to renew my mind. I need your wisdom, your counsel, and your Love! In Jesus Name - Amen! 

You Take it, and allow your will to be done in my life!

That moment you realize the Holy Spirit tried to tell you something about a situation and you just ignored it. You convinced yourself that it wasn't bad and tried to make excuses for it or just simply tried justifying your actions. Then the very thing you knew that was going to happen happens and you know there is no one to blame but yourself. It doesn't matter if others were in the wrong or not, BUT you knew you could have made a different choice but you didn't. You tried to hold onto something you knew would never be anything at all.

There is a strange pain of knowing that you have so long to go before you ever get this something you desire. In a sense, you failed, your wrong choice shows you are not ready to have what even God desires for you.

The you decide that giving what you desire to God is best, and say Lord "You take it, and allow your will be done in my life." Yet, there is this slight temptation to look at what you gave God and desire it back AND  a deep pains comes from that. Why? It's a pain that comes from your selfishness and your unwillingness to let go. Only you're causing it! Instead of trusting God you still hold onto what you want.

Oh temptation! You desire for me to rebel against my God. To call him a liar, unfaithful and unloving. But you're wrong. Oh my God loves me... he has revealed it through his Son, Jesus Christ! He has lavished his love on me by sending His Son to die on a cross to pardon my sin.

This all reminds me of Beautiful Eulogy's song, "Release me from this snare"

Release Me From The Snare Lyrics

[Verse 1: Braille]
I acknowledge my sin to You and I did not cover my iniquity
Theres nowhere to hide from Your all seeing eyes
You know everything I can't tell you a lie
You know my own own heart much better than I
You know when I sleep and You know when I rise
You know all the thoughts that go through my mind
From morning to night every moment of pride
I acknowledge my sin to You and I did not cover my iniquity
You know what I've done. You know what I do
So I open my mouth and confess it to You
And You're making me new with your spirit at work
To convict me in sin so I know where to turn
And I know where to run, run to your arms
To be cleansed of my sin by the blood of Your son
Hey! I acknowledge my sin I know I can't kill it with a knife or a gun
It must be crucified on the cross with your son
Then I can know it is finished and done
Then I can know that I'm truly forgiven
And get to the business of living for You
And its not for my glory but its only for You
And its speaks of your mercy your loving Your truth
Give me the faith to believe what You say
And trust in Your word when I'm tempted to stray
And to patiently wait for the day You return
I hate my sin it burns!

[Hook: Braille]
The old will pass away, while I'm still here You hear my prayer
Please, wash my sins away, oh Lord release me from this snare
The old will pass away, while I'm still here You hear my prayer
Please, wash my sins away, oh Lord release me from this snare

***Note: One of the saddest moments in my life. I look to God to restore this brokenness at the wedding feast.