You Take it, and allow your will to be done in my life!

That moment you realize the Holy Spirit tried to tell you something about a situation and you just ignored it. You convinced yourself that it wasn't bad and tried to make excuses for it or just simply tried justifying your actions. Then the very thing you knew that was going to happen happens and you know there is no one to blame but yourself. It doesn't matter if others were in the wrong or not, BUT you knew you could have made a different choice but you didn't. You tried to hold onto something you knew would never be anything at all.

There is a strange pain of knowing that you have so long to go before you ever get this something you desire. In a sense, you failed, your wrong choice shows you are not ready to have what even God desires for you.

The you decide that giving what you desire to God is best, and say Lord "You take it, and allow your will be done in my life." Yet, there is this slight temptation to look at what you gave God and desire it back AND  a deep pains comes from that. Why? It's a pain that comes from your selfishness and your unwillingness to let go. Only you're causing it! Instead of trusting God you still hold onto what you want.

Oh temptation! You desire for me to rebel against my God. To call him a liar, unfaithful and unloving. But you're wrong. Oh my God loves me... he has revealed it through his Son, Jesus Christ! He has lavished his love on me by sending His Son to die on a cross to pardon my sin.

This all reminds me of Beautiful Eulogy's song, "Release me from this snare"

Release Me From The Snare Lyrics

[Verse 1: Braille]
I acknowledge my sin to You and I did not cover my iniquity
Theres nowhere to hide from Your all seeing eyes
You know everything I can't tell you a lie
You know my own own heart much better than I
You know when I sleep and You know when I rise
You know all the thoughts that go through my mind
From morning to night every moment of pride
I acknowledge my sin to You and I did not cover my iniquity
You know what I've done. You know what I do
So I open my mouth and confess it to You
And You're making me new with your spirit at work
To convict me in sin so I know where to turn
And I know where to run, run to your arms
To be cleansed of my sin by the blood of Your son
Hey! I acknowledge my sin I know I can't kill it with a knife or a gun
It must be crucified on the cross with your son
Then I can know it is finished and done
Then I can know that I'm truly forgiven
And get to the business of living for You
And its not for my glory but its only for You
And its speaks of your mercy your loving Your truth
Give me the faith to believe what You say
And trust in Your word when I'm tempted to stray
And to patiently wait for the day You return
I hate my sin it burns!

[Hook: Braille]
The old will pass away, while I'm still here You hear my prayer
Please, wash my sins away, oh Lord release me from this snare
The old will pass away, while I'm still here You hear my prayer
Please, wash my sins away, oh Lord release me from this snare

***Note: One of the saddest moments in my life. I look to God to restore this brokenness at the wedding feast.